Shit.

Logan and I got home tonight to a house smelling of shit. I thought oh great, one of the cats didn't cover up their poop again! Ugh! But, as I turned the corner to let Lola out of her crate, I saw the splatter of shit across the floor of our den.

And then another splatter closer to the sliding glass door.

And then another.

OMFG it was awful.

I quickly let Odin out (he was looking sheepishly guilty!) and then had Lola go out the front door and around the house to the back (so she wouldn't run into the puddles and track it all over the house in 15 seconds flat). I then ran back inside just in time to catch Logan walking thru the piles of soupy shit.

His shoes were suctioning to the floor and he couldn't figure out why.

STOP!

I hoisted him up as fast as I could, stripped his shoes off, carried him to the master bathroom (where I had to PEE like nobody's business) and locked us in the room. My mind was racing. How the hell was I going to clean up this house while keeping a very fast and mobile toddler out of that shit?

The big jacuzzi tub in our bathroom was calling my name. And Logan was already throwing his toys in as if to say, I'm ready Mom! Let's take a bath!

So I stripped him down, filled the tub and then did the unthinkable.... I left my kid to play in the tub on his own while I raced around the house gathering cleaning supplies and assessing the damage.

To my horror, Logan's room was also hit. And because he has a rug in there, it was really bad. :( My guess is, Odin had his first diarrhea attack in Logan's room (where he likes to hang out and sleep during the day). When he realized it, he ran to the den to try and get outside but since we keep them locked in the house during the day, he couldn't get out. So, he had a few more accidents near the door. Just ONE MORE REASON to get that friggin' doggy door project DONE!! Argh. Don't even get me started.

I thought I could probably handle the cleanup on my own if it had just been the den, but with Logan's room also a mess, I needed some help before I had a major meltdown.

I called Jon and told him to come home ASAP. I knew this was a big "ask" since he actually had some late night work to do in the data center and coming home now meant he'd have to be back up to the city bright and early tomorrow morning to finish the work. But he could hear the urgency in my voice and dropped everything immediately. He was still an hour away, but I knew I wouldn't be done by then anyway.

I spent the next hour checking in on Logan and singing to him from the other room - me on the floor, hands and knees, scrubbing away, while he blissfully unaware and totally having the time of his life in his tub.

That is, until suddenly he started yelling for me: "Mama! Mama! Out! Out!"

That's strange. My son never volunteers to be taken out of the bathtub. What gives?

I come in and he's standing in the tub, reaching out to me to be picked up, and pointing back down to the tub.

The little shit had taken a shit!

Nice. Just what I needed. MORE SHIT.

I tell you, it was at this point that my eyes were threatening to well up with tears.

I drained the tub, cleaned the poop up, hosed him and his toys down, and refilled the bathtub so he could continue playing. I was hoping he'd stay in long enough until Jon got home to help and watch him while I continued to clean up Odin's mess(es).

Luckily - it worked. I had the den cleaned up and was still working on the rug in Logan's room when Jon finally pulled up an hour later. Jon scrubbed Logan down and dressed him while I tried vacuuming the rug with our shop vac. It didn't work so well - so I decided we needed to rent a steam cleaner. And, I needed to get out of the house before I went ballistic and strangled our pets. None of us had eaten dinner yet either - and it was hitting Logan's bed time (approx. 8pm)

So, off to Fresh Choice (for some healthy greens spoiled with ranch dressing. mwahahaha) for a quick bite to eat and then Longs Drugs to rent a steam cleaner!

We were home by about 9:30pm and Logan was exhausted. Frankly, we all were (and my back! KILLING me softly.)

We couldn't put Logan to sleep in his room. The house had aired out pretty well, but we wanted to spray the carpet with some stain treatment we bought at the store before using the steam cleaner tomorrow - and we weren't really crazy about leaving our kid in the room overnight inhaling all those fun cleaning fumes. So, he's now conked out in his travel tent in our bedroom, and we'll just spend another night on our futon out in the living room (because, didn't I tell you? one of the cats or Lola, we're not sure, had an accident on our bed over the weekend and I've been airing out the mattress to dry after treating it as well!).

I'm pretty sure we won't be getting any new pets for a loooooong time.