Would you like some cheese with that w(h)ine?

Stress usually motivates me and keeps me going, but last week it knocked me over, straddled me and mercilessly pummeled me deeper into the ground. I felt suffocated, overwhelmed, tired and emotional. I was quickly unraveling at the seams and felt like giving up.

Uncle, Uncle! Stop beating me into submission. I'm done.

Looking back, we had a lot going on to tip me over the edge. I visited with a neurosurgeon about possible back surgery which was upsetting, not because of potentially going under the knife (which is upsetting in and of itself) but because he wouldn't. My case isn't clear cut (ha!) enough and he wants to run several more tests first to get a better diagnosis. I left his office in tears, more frustrated than ever. And really wishing House actually did exist. Perhaps he could at least figure out what the hell is wrong with my broken back. (It was also frustrating since I couldn't seem to connect with my hot-shit doctor who seemed more robot than human and, I really need to connect with the guy who may be cutting into my back...)

Every single night, Jon had to work late. Extremely late. Like, not only missing dinner and putting Logan to bed and spending some quality time with me late, but crawling into bed at 4am late. Consistently. My husband was having an affair with his work and I missed him.

Logan came down with a 24-hour fever. He wasn't eating and kept waking up throughout the night. He insisted on being rocked, held and comforted. Because Jon was working late hours (see above), he barely had energy to shut off the lights before stumbling to bed. Because I was the primary caretaker and keeping the house in order each night after work, I barely had energy to lock the doors before calling it a night. (I just noticed yesterday that his lower right canine tooth may be working its way through; not sure I'm looking forward to more teething right now!)

Once Jon's work calmed down, he headed off to the gaming conference that he had planned on attending many moons ago. But, because of the rough week, late nights and feverish child, I wasn't sure I could juggle caring for Logan on my own for a full day, let alone two or three. It was the start of a long weekend and I was already losing steam.

We were also dog sitting our friends' two yellow labs, I was working both early and late hours managing two big client launches and attending an all day training.

Oh! Let's not forget about my chronic back pain. It hasn't gone away, I just don't talk about it. What's there to talk about? It's still around, nagging and annoying me in every way possible but slowly becoming a part of my "normal" life. I'm actually handling the pain fairly well, but it's mentally exhausting and can really wear you down after awhile. (It's worse when Aunt Flow visits and of course, she hit me over the head this weekend as well. Yippeee!)

But all of that was a walk in the park compared to the emotional roller coaster ride that literally turned our marriage upside down the minute Jon and I started arguing over discussing our Estate Planning questionnaire the other night (because who really wants to talk about when you die, really?). And before you know it, Jon and I had one of the larger fights of the century our relationship.

Several hours later, after we had both calmed down, we talked late into the night. We ended up talking about how stressful the last week had been for me; how hard it was on us, on our marriage. I got weepy (again). And just as I launched into specifics of my neurosurgeon visit, asking Jon "what do you think?" I heard the familiar snoring and catching of his breath.

Jon had fallen asleep.

Given the fight we had just been through and the opening up that I was doing, I suppose any normal person would have been pissed at their husband falling asleep mid-conversation. But you know what? I didn't care. I was glad we were back to talking (even if he fell asleep on me!). And, more than that, it actually felt good to get a lot of my concerns, my fears, my stress, off my chest.

I fell asleep exhausted, but smiling knowing we were already in a better state than just a few hours previously, and hey! we managed to clean out a bulk of the garage (true Spring cleaning) earlier that day which was amazing, so take THAT Mr. Stress! Maybe I'm not giving up that easily, after all.

I guess sometimes you just need a mini-breakdown to right yourself back on course.

Sumo Wrestler

Lately anytime Miss Veronica puts the girls' hair into pony tails,
several of the boys want in on the action too, Logan included. :)

Logan said COOKIE!

This morning, when Logan refused to eat anything, Bree pulled out a bag of graham crackers / cookies and asked if Logan wanted one. He nodded yes and then to both our surprise uttered the work cookie..! I have to believe this is the work of PBS and a certain blue monster.

:)

Memorial Day Weekend

Yesterday we quarantined ourselves all day due to a nasty fever Logan had caught, out of the blue (I actually noticed it late Friday night). He was hitting temps around 102 and just NOT feeling like himself. And, for about 20 of those 24 hours, he insisted on being held and rocked; nothing else would do.

It was exhausting, particularly in the middle of the night when Jon and I were zombies and Logan would fall asleep, or near asleep, and ask to be laid down in his crib. We'd thankfully oblige and then 10 minutes later he'd wake up screaming again, wanting to be held and rocked for another 45 minutes. It was a VERY long night for us all.

In any case, he woke up today as if none of that had ever happened (of course). We decided to hit our favorite breakfast joint, only to discover the wait was WAY TOO LONG. So, we went to our next favorite place, which also happens to be down the street from the Hickson's, who joined us for some wonderful company. After brunch, and some playtime back at their house, we headed home so Jon could make his way up to the city (for a gaming conference he's been wanting to attend) and I could put Logan down for his nap.

When Logan woke up from his nap, I decided the two of us would take a fun bike ride to a nearby children's store that I'd been wanting to visit for awhile but have never gotten around to it. Lakeshore Learning focuses on educational materials - and there's not much more I can say but that it was awesome. The only thing that stopped me from buying EVERYTHING was that we had biked to the store and I couldn't necessarily bring it all back home. ;-) So I limited myself to a few arts and crafts items, as well as the obligatory balls and cars that I never can leave a store without these days. Logan was in 7th Heaven and frankly, so was I.

Once we got home (it was a nice bike ride too! about 4 miles round trip), I whipped out some paper and finger paint, stripped the kid, and plunked us both down on the kitchen floor. We had fun making a mess; even Izzy got a little coloring done (he laid down right smack in the middle of our artwork, what did he expect?!). :)


After cleanup, bath, dinner and pj's, we hung out in the den for awhile - where Logan mastered walking clomping across two rooms in Mommy's big tennis shoes (he has loved wearing both of our shoes for some time now, but just tonight he actually managed to WALK in them!) and straddling poor Hunter, one of the Jodoin dogs we are dog sitting this weekend, which was hilarious (especially when Hunter finally got up to move to another room and Logan slid back on his butt with a thump).

All in all, a great Sunday and weekend play day. And boy, am I beat.

We'll see what tomorrow brings. :)

Our Counting Machine

This week has been crazy hectic - Jon's been burning the midnight oil, at both ends, with work and I've just been trying to keep my head above water, juggling my own busy work schedule and primary parenting duties this week.

In any case - I didn't get a chance to post a significant new development! I can't remember when exactly it happened, but one night this week while Logan was sitting in the bathtub (not taking a bath, he just likes to climb in there and play with his toys), I heard him COUNTING as he slapped the little foam ABCs against the side of the tub.

uun...
doo...
eee...
ore!

He got to number four, before he then started saying two over and over again (and if you say "one" he'll immediately say "two" but that's it, not "three" or "four"), so I'm not sure he knows yet what he's reciting or what it means. I get the feeling the school does a lot of counting with the kids and he's just picking up on the words, and that the sound of "two" follows the sound of "one".

But still, it was pretty amazing and tons of fun to hear him babble on his own! :) Yet another thing that we can focus on and help him to learn more and more of!

Uh oh, ¡Se Cayó!

One of the things I loved most about studying linguistics was the opportunity to peer into another culture through its use of language. Depending on how the language is used can give you an indication on how that particular society views life, relationships, norms, expectations... the list goes on and on.

I always thought it was funny that one way to say "I dropped it" in Spanish is "se cayó" which literally translates to "it fell".

You see the thought process there?

It wasn't MY fault. It was the object's fault.

Damn object. Why do you keep falling? All. On. Your. Own.

If Logan was more articulate, I'm pretty sure he would have had the same thought process, and the same excuse explanation for me, tonight.

What? I didn't throw it. I didn't even drop it, Mom.

It fell.

Bike Ride

We just got a new bike for me (a Mother's day present I guess?) partly so I could join Jon on his bike rides and partly because the child carrier we bought for Logan doesn't fit on Jon's bike.

We decided to meet Jenn/Robert and Kim/Molly at the downtown Campbell Boogie on the Bayou festival this morning - taking my new bike and Logan's seat out for a test ride.

It was friggin' hot (we're suffering thru another heat wave this weekend), even at 9:30am! But we had a blast and more importantly, Logan loved it! So much, in fact, that he got upset when the ride was over and we had to take him out. I guess that's better than him not liking the bike ride at all, right? :)