In Memory of Lola Golightly

Saturday morning, I lost my best friend. My furry kid.


Although we were expecting this day to come relatively soon, it still hit us really hard and unexpectedly. Lola simply turned for the worst, literally overnight.

Saturday morning, she didn't come greet us at our bedside like she usually does, which was the first sign. I got nervous and looked around the house for her - finding her laying limp and despondent in her crate. I had a feeling she had been there all night, poor thing. I sat on the floor next to her for about an hour, petting her, talking to her, loving her, while Jon called several of our vets to see what we should do (although, truly, we already knew).

It was time.

We stayed with her until her last breath, holding her in our laps and telling her how much we loved her. I like to think she felt better knowing I was there with her until the end, falling asleep with me by her side, but it's always hard to know. So, we just pray we did the right thing, in the most humane act as possible.

Since then, I've had a really rough time coping, letting go, and accepting her death. It doesn't seem real. Every little thing in our house reminds me of her. Her toys are still strung about, her food dish sits waiting to be filled, her crate sits empty and bare. I found a toy of Logan's, all chewed up by Lola from God knows when, hiding under the couch.

But most of all, everything is very quiet without her following me around the house or trying to sneak any dropping of food in the kitchen as I make breakfast. I don't hear the familiar clicking of toenails against the hardwood or tags clinking together as she races up and down the hallway, in and out the doggy door.

About 5.5 years ago, when we picked her up from a nearby Hunting Preserve (she was the unwanted runt of the litter), the breeders "warned" us. Whoever she sat next to on the ride home would become her mom - and that I absolutely was. Even when she threw up on me, in the car, on the roadside, that entire first ride home, I was instantly in love. And she was of me.

I remember the first week we had her, I worked from home to help ease the transition. When talking to my boss at the time, I described her as "The Velcro Dog" - and I doubted whether I was actually up for such a challenging, dependent, must-be-by-my-side-at-all-times dog.

Little did I know, she would teach me a thing or two about enjoying constant companionship, having a fun loving attitude, and letting her ears down, flapping in the wind. :)

She was definitely full of love and energy, until the very end. And amazingly, she never really let the lymphoma get to her (or at least, never showed it) until her very last day.

We love you Lola. And we already sorely miss you.

I hope you may have endless lakes to swim in, chasing ducks (and squirrels and cats) to your heart's content. And, may you have plenty of warm laps to cuddle up next to at night.

In Memory of Lola Golightly
June 30 2004 - March 6 2010

Ride home from the Hastings Island Hunting Preserve

11.5 Weeks Old

Mommy and Lola bonding time (first night home)


"The Velcro Dog"

First trip to Lake Tahoe (Sept 2004)

Pointing the sprinkler

Yes, we actually dressed her up for her first Halloween
(but didn't do it again after this) ;-)

Bonding time for the two pups

The teenage years (Nov 2004)

Uncle Nathan and Lola playing in the snow

Right at home stretched out on Mommy's lap

Looking like an old lady (Oct 2005)

Mama is soon to be hitched (Mar 2006)


Lola has always been known to chew (and destroy) anything she sinked her teeth into...

What she did best - Run, Lola, Run!


Taking over Daddy's spot in bed


Sunbathing (Jul 2007)

One week before we moved into our new house and Logan was born.
Not sure which was more traumatizing! ;-) (Dec 2007)

She meets a worthy contender for Mommy's lap



The stand off. (Sept 2008)




Not feeling so hot after a Chemo session (Feb 2009)

Logan's first encounter with snow, and unfortunately, Lola's last.

My two darlings.

Just finished her (first) Chemotherapy program and in full remission (Jul 2009)

Looking for some spare lap space on Preggo Mama - again (Jan 2010)

Some of her meds turned her into a sneaky counter surfer!

Begging Daddy for more playtime :)

Lola's last road trip, to visit some of Jon's family in LA

This is how we show our love Lola.

Like this.

And like this.

We love you sweetie. You will be missed, but never forgotten.

How long does she have?

I haven't provided a Lola update in quite awhile, but today is probably as good a time as any.

Several months ago, Lola's lymphoma resurfaced, so we went back to treating it with chemotherapy every few weeks to keep it in check.

Unfortunately, toward the end of last year, we had to stop with the chemo because it was starting to attack her liver (not good). It took about a year, but her poor little body finally started giving out. :( We continue to give her prednisone to help battle the cancer and inflammation, but it's nothing like what the poison chemo was doing.

Since then, we've been monitoring the progress of her cancer pretty closely, with visits every few weeks. However, we've noticed her lymph glands increasing in size the last few visits and have started preparing ourselves mentally, emotionally, for the D-day soon to come.

Today was a rough visit. Between her last check up and today's, her oncologist feels like her cancer has really progressed much more aggressively than we've seen it in the past (something I've been fearing this past week but is so much harder to hear your doctor say in person).

Several of her lymph nodes are much more swollen, noticeable now to pretty much anyone who comes up to give her some love. She's also on and off about her food - usually still good, but every other morning, it seems, she'll skip a meal and/or eat really really slowly (with me standing over her and coaxing her the entire time). And, just within the past couple of days, we've noticed her wheezing more regularly (the oncologist says this isn't surprising as her swollen glands are probably bothering her) and wants a lot more love and attention (if that is even possible with Miss Lola).

She is finally starting to wind down.

It's probably not noticeable to most people, because she is still a very active dog compared to the norm, but for us (and the oncology team) who know her intimately, we are starting to see the signs.

So today I asked the tough question which I've been avoiding for several visits now.

Her oncologist says it's really hard to say, but if she were to guess, it could be anywhere between 2 weeks to 2 months left before the cancer completely takes over. Two weeks. :(

Up until today, I feel like I've actually been handling this all pretty well. We've had a lot of time to digest and process the idea of Lola soon leaving our family. But, when I called Jon after the appointment to give him an update, it was hard for me to keep my emotions in check. Vocalizing an end date, and a close one at that, is so much more real and hard for us to swallow.

What's more, I have no idea how we're going to break the news to Loganito, once Lola does pass away.

A new mattress - Merry Christmas!

I'm still writing up Logan's birthday post with recent pics, but it's taking me far longer than I would have liked. It might have something to do with the last few days and our incontinent cancer-dog Lola.

We continue to treat Lola for lymphoma since she was only in full remission for 4-6 months before the cancer came back. She's also recently started to become incontinent - which Jon and I seriously suspect is due to her overall ailing condition but which our oncologist assures us is totally not related to the cancer.

So, between her already small bladder, meds that make her drink gallons of water a day, and the incontinence, she's ruining every piece of furniture we have in the house.

Last night, she peed on our bed (we forgot to shut our bedroom door before leaving for dinner and a Christmas light show with friends) and it soaked all the way through to the mattress. Since she's still on chemotherapy, her urine is actually radioactive, so we can't treat the mattress and keep it (especially with me being pregnant). She has already ruined our futon couch as well (which we've now delegated as her pee bed), so Jon and I had to sleep on the other two couches last night and spent the morning mattress shopping.

Let me just say, neither of us had a good night's rest and we were pretty cranky.

UGH. Not a great way to spend the weekend - particularly when we didn't NEED a new mattress and ended up spending a fortune on a new one (I can't believe how much they cost these days!!!). :( The salesman talked us into buying a waterproof mattress pad to help protect the mattress this time around, and I also bought a few of those cargo waterproof pet liners online, normally meant for the car but in our case, will be draped over the remaining pee-free couches and new bed that we have left.

We'll see, but I hope for Lola's sake, they all work - since I won't be able to keep Jon from abandoning her at the side of the road, next time around...

Distraction

Lately, anything related to art is a great distraction. I grabbed a brochure and pen for Logan to draw with while we waited (forever) at the vet's office this evening.

Unfortunately, Lola's cancer has returned. :( We're doing another set of chemotherapy treatments; not nearly as long nor as intense a program as before (her body wouldn't be able to take it) but hopefully it will help.

Loss of Appetite

This morning was like no other. Busy as usual, getting everyone in the house up and ready for another day.

Only, Jon wasn't here to lend a helpful hand like normal. And, my parents needed a ride to the airport. And today was trash and gardener day - which meant in addition to making sure the trash containers were set out at the curb, I was also running around like mad in the backyard collecting all the dog poop to throw away before our gardeners arrived.

And, because I guess I get a thrill out of doing several things at once, I had my phone up to my ear, chatting away with Jon, updating each other on all the latest as I was juggling several balls.

That is, until everything stopped in slow motion the minute I looked down to pick up another pile of poop, and saw a hundred squirmy white little worms wiggling about.

Ummmmmmm. GROSS.

Seriously - it was disgusting. I'll take vomit or diarrhea or pee-stained couches any day of the week over this.

The rest of my day I thought about nothing else but worms. Forget about my parent's flight and loading their luggage into my car and instructions on which plants to water when. Forget about chatting it up with Logan's teachers during drop off and wishing them all a great day. Forget about closing out another fire-drill at work and keeping the execs happy.

And forget about lunch.

I called the vet's office. From my description on the phone, they think one of the dogs has roundworms. But, just to be sure, I took a fecal sample in for them to analyze. We'll get the definitive results back sometime tomorrow and go from there. It's better to figure out which worm we're dealing with so they know which meds to treat with. I also called Lola's oncologist to make sure she has the all clear to take meds, even though I'm pretty sure it's Odin who's infected. They said it should be totally fine. And, because some types of worms can transmit between both dogs and cats, we will probably need to treat the cats too.

We also need to keep a close eye on Logan. Kids are at a greater risk for catching worms - mostly because they aren't as diligent as adults when it comes to washing their hands. They also don't pay attention to what they're touching! Luckily, I've been a drill sergeant about washing Logan's hands lately and, he doesn't play in the backyard (where the dogs poop). So the chances of him getting sick are pretty slim.

Once we figure out what we're dealing with, we'll have to administer several rounds of meds. And, because we don't have enough on our plate as is, we need to quarantine the dogs and convince them to poop on concrete, so that we can quickly clean it up and BLEACH the shit out of it afterward.

Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

'Vu' (aka Fish)

For awhile, Logan was actually able to pronounce "fish" pretty well. Then just recently I noticed his word for "fish" switched to something that sounds more like "vu". Don't ask me why....

This summer Logan and I have been attending swim classes every Tuesday and Thursday nights. We did the first 8 sessions with Robert and his mommy Jenn back in June. We then took a month break and just recently started up another set of 8 sessions (Jenn and Robert decided not to join us this round).

I'm not sure if Logan had a fairy-fish godmother visit him during that month break, or if he finally started connecting the dots on his last class, but the difference between the two sessions has been amazing.


In June, he was okay with the water, but not one with the water. He tolerated the class. He wasn't happy about getting his face wet and he certainly wasn't happy about laying on his back and getting his ears wet.


This time around is a completely different story. From day one, he's been swimming like crazy. When I tell him to kick, he pounds his feet up and down as fast as he can. When I tell him to use big arms, he reaches as far out in front of him as he can, doggy paddling to the nearest toy in front of him. When I say "1, 2, 3... Big breath! Eyes in!" he laughs, giggles, squeezes his eyes shut and LUNGES for the water in front of him (regardless of whether I'm there or not).

While I'm holding him and listening to instructions from the teacher, he is generally splashing in the water, or kicking his feet, or dunking his face head-on into the water, or tilting his head from side to side, getting his ears wet voluntarily. All the while laughing and giggling and having the time of his life.


I try my best to hold the squirming kid tight so he doesn't drown. Meanwhile, he's pushing off of me as hard as he can. Because apparently I'm holding him down.


WHO IS THIS KID??

Tonight was no different of course. We practiced "wall walks" - where the kids hang off the side like monkeys and hand-over-hand walk the length of the wall. Most of the kids were screaming and stopping mid-wall, scared they were going to fall. Logan, on the other hand, was crazy strong, holding his head high above water (unless he intentionally dropped low enough to take a SIP of the water, yes he does that too...) and moving way too fast for the line.

Several times I had to slow him down to pause and wait for the girl in front of him to catch her breath. He'd get impatient and push his feet against the wall to launch out at me (standing behind him) and I'd scramble to catch him before he took in too many gulps. What's amazing about all of this is just two months ago, in the June sessions, when we practiced "wall walks" - Logan didn't get it at all. Every time I'd try to get him to hold onto the side of the wall, he'd just LET GO.


I can't help but think that the (near) back-to-back classes have made a difference. And it's definitely convinced me to continue on. I don't think I'll keep up every single month, and thankfully, once we start the Fall sessions, it backs down to once a week (twice a week rushing out of work early is brutal!). But, I'm definitely going to keep him in the classes as long as I can keep up myself.


Speaking of keeping up, tonight I barely made it to the class at all. Since Jon isn't home this week, I had to run and pick up Lola from her checkup appointment (cancer is still in total remission and she is looking fabulous!) first, before going home to change Logan and I. Traffic was a pain since there was an accident on the way home, so we were running late. Still, I got us both changed and packed up the car to go. Once we got there, I grabbed Logan and our bags to rush to class, only to notice I had forgotten to bring towels.

Uhhhhh. We kinda need towels Bree.

Class was about to start in a minute or so. There was no way I could drive back home to get some towels and still make it back in time for even part of the class (the class is only 30 minutes long).

Luckily, I still had Logan's travel tent in the car, where I keep some spare (baby-sized receiving) blankets stuffed inside.

I thought OH WHAT THE HELL.

I grabbed the blankets (which barely cover my ass) and off we went. A sight to behold I'm sure.

Last of the Chemotherapy

Lola had her last chemo treatment today! (pictured here with her "badge of completion" bandanna from the clinic) It's been a long ~7 months but she's done super well this whole time! The cancer has been in remission during most of the treatment program and we've been really pleased with how she's handled it all.

She goes back in to see her oncologist in 3 weeks (and every 3-4 weeks for the next few months) to keep a close eye on her lymph nodes as we take her off chemotherapy. Here's to hoping all continues to look good and we have a few more years to enjoy with our crazy Lola monster! :)